Therapy For Narcissistic Abuse
Hyper Criticism. Blame-shifting. Manipulation.
When you respectfully point out problems and seek a constructive resolution with your boss, co-worker, partner, spiritual leader, or parent, he or she reacts innocently with shock or looks at you like you are an alien and she doesn’t understand how you could come to such awful conclusion about him or her.
You know you are a good, confident person and usually don’t let anyone control you or give permission to make you feel anyway harmful; however, “this person” Can make you feel low, doubt yourself and manipulate you into thinking it was all your fault.
You are convinced to feel guilty for what she accuses you of after you attempted to communicate with her about her wrongdoing in the first place.
You may have had thoughts like...
- “I am going crazy”
- “I feel alone and vulnerable”
- “I feel like I am walking on an eggshells"
- “I did something wrong, it's my fault"
You find yourself in a relationship (romantic, parent-child/adult-child, employer-employee, spiritual leader-parishioner, etc..) being controlled but often confused and coerced to take responsibility for the other person’s unwanted feelings or flaws.
As you are pointing out the problem and seeking a solution, your boss may shift-blame, criticize and ignore the issues. He can’t admit he was wrong.
Not only he can’t admit it, but now he blames you for his mistake (you caused it. He accuses you of making the mistake you initially brought to him to point out his error.
Gaslighting (Gaslight, 1944)
You now feel more confused, guilty, and somewhat coerced and end up apologizing to him for feeling “too sensitive” “too stubborn” or being “less spiritual” than he is in a church setting.
He now accuses you of character-assassinating him. He downplays his disturbing/dishonest behaviors and completely invalidates your experiences.
He manipulates/gaslights you into questioning your experiences and perception of reality.
He lures you into being dependent on him emotionally, financially, or psychologically, where you can no longer make decisions of your own.
You are invisible
Often you will receive either silent treatment, alienation, and treated like you are invisible as a punishment, or cringe, shallow praises for reward or “love bombing.”
You are being treated like a child and often being talked to like a little girl, “oh darling you can come with me if you behave right.”
The role will be reversed during interrogation-“discussion,” and he becomes the victim. Again, you feel guilty, ask for forgiveness for something you didn’t do, and end up tip-toeing around this person.
Triangulation “smear campaign”
Your boss or partner may communicate with the rest of the team or family members except you, creating a hostile environment and unnecessary drama between you and the team/family through character assassination (spreading false info, painting an evil image of you, etc). Ultimately, your partner's goal is to control you, by isolating you from others (co-workers, family-extended family, friends, group/organization). Consequently, the only person you can talk to is the narcissist, leaving you with no support outside the narcissist. In an organization or cultural, or spiritual group can be operated from the top down, much the same in couple and family systems. Truth can be bent, tweaked, or changed by the narcissist anytime it fits his or her need in the name of "protecting" the family or organization. She or he navigates the rest of the loyal members to be on board and agrees on how wicked you are. Unfortunately, many of your team/organization group members will become “flying monkeys" to survive in these dynamics in different forms (promotion, boss's wingman, favoritism, insider privileges).
Flying Monkeys (The Wizard of Oz)
In the wicked hierarchical order of organization (corporate, home, church, etc..) the narcissist and the flying monkeys are clear who is at the top of the food chain, narcissist. In the movie, The Wizard of Oz, the flying monkeys follow the order of the evil witch (psychopath/sociopathic narcissist, charismatic power-hungry authority figures, etc..); target the victims (scapegoat); and attack/abuse, exploit, humiliate, shame, guilt-trip the people of weaker position for their leaders.
Flying monkeys play the role of loyal, blind followers of destruction. Do you recognize these characters? Before you criticize them, do not be one! That we have control.
Why do we continue to suffer and stay in an abusive relationship?
If you’ve read up to this point, you might have experienced narcissistic abuse or are still in an abusive relationship. Why am I still in a relationship, you may ask yourself. Often the victims of Narcissistic abuse have been conditioned to believe, “It’s all my fault,” “I cause this,” or “I am to blame.”
Therefore, you will continue to try to do better while she lovebombs, devalues, discards, and repeats. The cycle of abuse becomes your routine, but deep inside, you know this isn’t right.
We Are Here to Help
Severe narcissistic traits in people are like cookie-cutters. They display almost identical character traits, some more severe than others. As you have experienced, you can’t change them. You have tried and endured all these times.
Are you curious about yourself that why you suffer the way you suffer? Would you be willing to sit and explore what parts of you say “yes” or “no” to what is right and true for you? Are you open to trusting yourself again and showing up for yourself?
It’s Time for Change
If you’re open to experiencing this journey of finding your way back home to yourself and curious about the process, we are here to help you on that path. You feel alone, but we will be alongside you on this journey.
We’re looking forward to helping you take the first step.